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Реферат на тему: Parents and Children. Problem of Communication

Реферат на тему: Parents and Children. Problem of Communication

Реферат на тему: Parents and Children. Problem of Communication




  1. Basic characteristics of parents and children communication as family communication
  2. Problems of parents and children communication
  3.  Way of coping with problems of parents and children communication




Communication activities occupy most of our daily agenda. People communicate for various reasons such as to get new acquaintances, to get explanation, to give directions, to seek advice, to share their thoughts and so on. However, the main reason for communication is to get or to share information. Communication process is achievable when both parties mutually understand the message conveyed.

Communication is not a neutral act of moving content from one person to another, but rather a complex transaction influenced by numerous factors. As a process, communication is an ongoing, complex and changing activities.

On the other hand, family communication is defined as the act of making information, ideas, thoughts and feelings known among members of a family unit. The process of family growth has a lot to do with the ability of all the family members to communicate with one another. Communication is fundamental in interpersonal relationships between family members and it serves as the main key to understand the relation that developed within family. Many studies have shown that communication is a facilitator of family functioning [3].

Communication in family is a two way communication (giving and taking) verbally or non-verbal where a functional family will accept and try to comprehend the message delivered whether vague or clear between others, while a dysfunctional family rarely accept the message properly, in fact it is being ignored. A family that has positive family communication will be better able to alter their cohesion and flexibility to meet developmental and situational demands that arise, whereas family system with poor communication tends to have lower functioning in regards to cohesion and flexibility.

There is no unitary formula for good communication and there is no one right way to communicate for family life to function well. However, the best way to communicate in family is to arouse the feeling of sharing and listening. Message delivered must be clear and appropriate. Good family communication involves being both an active listener and a thoughtful speaker. There are seven criteria to develop quality communication, which are: openness, transparency, honesty, clear (clarity), communicate as friend, doing activities and spending time together.

Parenting is a boon, an enjoyment and a big responsibility for every individual. The importance involves bringing up the children in such a way that he/she transforms into an individual of good character and a good social being. This needs spending quality time with the children and communicating with them so that every parent understands what is going on in their mind good or bad; if good then, how best the parent can help them to do it; if bad then what made them to think or act in such a way. This is the basic ingredient to solve communication problems with children [4].

Parenting and solving communication problems with children is a never ending topic which needs more and more space  and experience in real life from knowledgeable parents who brought up their children and learnt from time to time how best to communicate to them.

1. Basic characteristics of parents and children communication as family communication

Basically, family communication operates within two types of family communication climate which are conformity orientation and conversation orientation. Conformity orientation refers to the degree to which families create a climate that stress homogeneity of attitude, values and beliefs (high conformity) versus heterogeneous attitudes and beliefs, greater individuality and uniqueness and independence of family members (low conformity). Meanwhile conversation orientation refers to the degree to which family members create a climate where all are encourage to participate freely and frequently in interaction without limitation regarding time spent and topic discussed (high conversation) versus less frequent interaction with only a few topics that are freely discussed (low conversation) [3].

High conversation families share a lot of activities, thoughts and feelings. Parents who create communication gaps between the children will make their children feel at a loss, a situation whereby the children will finally self-destruct. Past research showed that communication problem between parents and children is one of the factors that make children feel lonely and depressed [3]. These feelings of loneliness and depressed will eventually result in those children being involved with social illness such as drug abuse, theft, fights and so forth as a way to express their feelings. Psychologists agreed adolescent years that must be endured by the youth is certainly a time of storm and stress because they were going through physical and emotional changes due to biological changes which is of natural process that happens to all individual that have gone through the change phases from childhood years to the adulthood.

However, communication process that allows an open and honest practice is a perfect medium for the children to share their problems or to voice out their ideas without them being scared. This eventually will develop positive values in the children thus making them a difficult target for those with bad intention as close relationship between parent and children could hinder teenagers’ misconduct.

Time for family communication is the most common problem faced by family today. Almost every parent is a working parent, who spends long working hours at the workplace for the sake of providing for the family. Meanwhile, the children routine life is lined up with strenuous academic activities, thus making it harder for parents and children to catch up with each other. It has been established that the frequency of interacting with children will enhance the parent-children relationship [3]. Time spent in family activities is assumed to promote positive relationship and individual development. Children who spent more hours eating meals with their family had lower level of behavior problems than did those who spent fewer hours eating together.  The intimate relationships that develop between parents and children will give them comfort for sharing problems, feelings, hopes and also ideas.

Family communication and children misconduct does relate with each other. Communication between parents and children is one of the important factors that could prevent children from being involved in social problems, an increment in communication intimacy between parent and children can help reduce misconduct among the children. Communication between parent and children is one of the variables that have connection with the increase or decrease in teenagers’ misconduct. 

Generally, children learn how to communicate by watching their parents. If parents communicate openly and effectively, chances are that their children will, too. Good communication skills will benefit children for their entire lives [5]. Children begin to form ideas and beliefs about themselves based on how their parents communicate with them. When parents communicate effectively with their children, they are showing them respect. Children then begin to feel that they are heard and understood by their parents, which is a boost to self-esteem. On the other hand, communication between parents and children that is ineffective or negative can lead children to believe that they are unimportant, unheard, or misunderstood. Such children may also come to see their parents as unhelpful and untrustworthy.

Parents who communicate effectively with their children are more likely to have children who are willing to do what they are told. Such children know what to expect from their parents, and once children know what is expected of them, they are more likely to live up to these expectations. They are also more likely to feel secure in their position in the family, and are thus more likely to be cooperative.

In order to enjoy a healthy and functional relationship, there must be consistent and open communication. Generation after generation have experienced their own problems in the parent/child dynamic. Some parents are too harsh, unloving and rigid, so their children may overcompensate by becoming parents who are too permissive. Their children in turn may feel that they lacked guidance growing up and may be overly strict with their own children. Great communication will serve as the foundation to the balance necessary between being a firm but fair, parent.

Though there is not an absolute in methodology or parenting tactics to create healthy habits in a parent/child relationship, communication will serve as a foundation to build all good habits upon. All too often children aren’t given enough credit. They are quite perceptive and able to reason at a very early age, and if parents would take the time to speak to their children, and more importantly to listen to their children, a deeper understanding and strong relationship would most likely develop.

Ultimately, fostering and facilitating the growth of a relationship between parents and children will take the top spot. If parents have questions about certain issues, or how to better communicate with their children, there are many skilled professionals who are genuine and looking to help parents and children enjoy richer relationships.

2. Problems of parents and children communication

Parents and children are genetically geared to love each other, and it’s a beautiful thing to behold. But sometimes things go wrong: parents don’t understand and children don’t respect. In many homes, battles between parents and children develop in a regular sequence.

The child says or does something parents dislike and parents react with something insulting. The main reason for problems between children and parents is criticism. Criticism is unnecessary. When children take a wrong turn on a road and lose their way, the last thing they need is criticism. When things go wrong, it is not the right time to tell a child anything about his personality or character. Criticism of personality and character gives children negative feelings about themselves. Children are trying to figure out how to act (behave) what is acceptable and what is not. They look at parents as models of that behavior.

Children between the age of six to fourteen usually complain that their parents always force them with certain issues that they are not comfortable. Most of the children commonly complain that their parents force them to eat the vegetables that they do not like. Some children complain that they are not interested in dancing activity but their parents force them to learn classical dance. Some children complain that their parents always force them to study for hours together. In above cases, although the parents love their children very much and expect for a better life, then why do the children show a sense of unhappiness with their parents? Parents are always worried about the future of the children and the child should realize this point.

Some parents expect very high marks from their children and rebuke them even if they score a mark low. Some parents expect that their kids should learn in a very reputed institution of and secure very good job in a large company. They start applying pressure to their children for this purpose. In this case the role of the parents become major. The parents cannot actually evaluate the capacity of the child. Every child in the world is not born intelligent. If a child faces any sort of pressure then the child cannot achieve the minimum output also.

Parents must teach children to discern what is right and wrong, and what they should and should not do [7; 8]. Parents must understand their children personalities and be cognizant on how children’s attitudes and outlook change according to their age and environment. Lack of communication between parents and children leads to problems related to everything from school to dating.

Thus, communication problems between parents and children arise for a variety of reasons that stem from stressful situations, instability, major life changes and a lack of communication from the beginning. Single parents face extreme challenges, especially when a parent becomes single after being in a marital relationship for many years. Some children may shut down and pull away because they feel unstable and don’t approve of changes going on in their life. It’s easier for a child who has always been with one parent from an early age because he has already adapted to life with just mom or dad.

Other factors such as how a parent communicates can also result in communication problems between parents and children. Being too critical, labeling or blaming a child can make them feel attacked and alienated making them less likely to open up and talk when they need help. Repeated criticism can also leave emotional scars and a child can develop resentment towards their parent which can continue on through the teenage years.

Parents can turn things around by making an effort to help their child feel special along with taking what they say seriously. Listening with empathic ears is vital when raising children. Sometimes parents want to do all the talking and they fail to really listen to what their child has to say. When parents take the time to consider their child’s ideas with enthusiasm, the child feels good about communicating and more trust begins to develop. This trust strengthens the lines of communication because it helps children feel comfortable opening up about anything as they grow older.

Problems do not erupt out of nothing. They most often are a result of egos and sometimes of denial. Some of the most common factors that lead to communication issues among families are:

Lack of Patience: This is a largely contributing factor leading towards family communication problems. Lack of patience can be one of the biggest downfalls when it comes to the levels of closeness of most families too. A snappy parent, or even a snappy child can be quite a hassle to handle under certain circumstances. The easiest way out in situations like that then is ignoring the person in question, because it is a much simpler escape route.

Lack of Time for Each Other: The lack of time for family members is invariably a reason that leads to communication problems. With the fast paced lives that people seem to be leading these days, it hardly comes as a surprise that the lack of time for each other is one of the key aspects leading to family problems. Parents hardly have the time for children.

Lack of Discipline: This is the worst problem in terms of children. A badly behaved child could ruin the peace of a family, like a tornado waiting to happen. What’s worse is, while parents may have some semblance of control when the child is little, this could go way out of hand when he/she gets older, thus leading to a constantly disharmonious atmosphere within the family.

If there are problems, there are solutions, that is a given. If worked on the right way, even these problems can be put to rest.

3. Way of coping with problems of parents and children communication

Whenever any problem of opinion clash or misunderstandings occur between parents and children both of them have a role to play. The parents should understand that their children are not aware about the hardships of life. Children should obey their parents because their parents can never misguide them or do something to spoil the future. There are several common rules for coping with problems of parents and children communication:

  1. Be Patient: If the lack of patience is one of the causes of problems, very evidently the solution is developing the virtue of patience. Hearing out what the children have to say on a certain matter, or even consulting the significant other in issues where their consent is required is one way to start.
  2. Spend Time Together: Not being in on each other’s lives can vastly cause problems too. It is therefore essential to have quality family time with one another. Bear in mind though, while being in on the other person’s life is a good thing, it shouldn’t border on interference in any way. An overdose of time spent with each other too can lead to problems, so this must be worked on with a certain balance.
  3. Stay Focused and Don’t Assume: This one goes more for the seniors of a family. It would be natural to see juvenile behavior being displayed by the younger members of a household, but it is up to the elders, be it parents or siblings, to control the atmosphere and keep it calm. A hot-headed adult can make situations worse. Also, being presumptuous about the behavior and attitude of the younger ones can lead to problems, so rather than working on assumptions, talk things out. A comfortable environment will help allow truth from them too. This will act well in favor of the family.
  4. Start communicating effectively while children are young. Before parents and their children can communicate, both must feel comfortable enough to do so. While their children are very young, parents should begin setting the stage for open, effective communication. Parents can do this by making themselves available to their children when they have questions or just want to talk. Furthermore, parents who provide their children with plenty of love, understanding and acceptance are helping to create a climate for open communication. Children who feel loved and accepted by their parents are more likely to open up and share their thoughts, feelings, and concerns with their parents.
  5.  Communicate at your children’s level. When parents communicate with their children, it is important for them to come down to their children’s level both verbally and physically. Verbally, parents should try to use age-appropriate language that their children can easily understand. With younger children, this can be done by using simple words. For example, young children are much more likely to understand a direction such as, "No hitting your sister," as opposed to "It is not acceptable to hit your sister." Parents should try to know what their children are able to understand and they should try not to communicate in ways that their children are not able to understand.
  6. Learn how to really listen. Listening is a skill that must be learned and practiced. Listening is an important part of effective communication. When parents listen to their children they are showing them that they are interested and they care about what their children have to say.
  7. Listen with a closed mouth. Parents should try to keep the interruptions to a minimum while their children are speaking. They can offer encouragement, for example through a smile or a touch, without interrupting. Interruptions often break the speaker’s train of thought, and this can be very frustrating.
  8. Express your own feelings and ideas when communicating with children. For communication to be effective, it must be a two way street. Not only must parents be available to and listen to their children for effective communication to take place; they must also be willing to share their own thoughts and feelings with their children. Parents can teach their children many things, for example, morals and values, by expressing their thoughts and feelings. When expressing their ideas and feelings, however, parents must be careful to do so in a non-judgmental way. It seems logical that the more parents open up to their children, the more their children will open up to them.
  9. Regularly schedule family meetings or times to talk. One very useful communication tool for families with older children is the regularly scheduled time to talk. This can be done in a number of ways. First of all, there is the family meeting. Family meetings can be scheduled, for example, once a week, and/or whenever there is something that the family needs to discuss. Families can use family meeting time to iron out the details of daily living, for example chores, curfews and bedtimes. Family meeting time can also be used to air grievances and to talk about problems. These times can also be used to talk about positive things that have occurred during the last week. What’s important is that each family member be given time to talk to and be heard by other family members.
  10. Try to make explanations complete. When answering their children’s questions, parents should try to give them as much information as they need, even if the topic is something parents don’t feel comfortable discussing. This doesn’t mean that parents must go into great detail. It’s just important that parents know how much information their children need and then give it to them. Parents should make sure that the information they give their children is age-appropriate. Parents should also encourage their children to ask questions. This will help parents figure out just what information their children are looking for. Not giving enough information can lead children to draw conclusions that aren’t necessarily true.

All families will have conflicts at one time or another. While such conflicts can be upsetting, they need not be too disruptive. There are many different things that parents can do to smoothly get through conflicts and to keep the lines of communication open at the same time.


Parent-child communication is at the heart of teaching future adults effective ways to communicate with others. Children learn attitudes, values, and behaviors, as well as gain knowledge, through communicating with others – the most important of whom are their parents. Communication between parent and child begins the day the child is born, or earlier, and continues as the child grows, matures and changes. Parents are the models that children imitate during their childhood years. Parents who pay attention to their child’s concerns and ideas teach their child that they are important in the family. Parents also teach the child how to listen to someone who is speaking. When parents talk respectfully to children, they are teaching children to be respectful when they speak.

However, misunderstandings between parents and children always take place. Some differences always occur between parents and children due to the problem of generation gap and their way of bringing up. If a certain level of understanding occurs between parents and children both of them would be the happiest persons in the world.

Love for their children is within every parent, which is frequently revealed through the concern they show. But superfluous control can not in the best way influence on child. When young people feel unconnected to home, family, and school, they may become involved in activities that put their health and well-being at risk. However, when parents affirm the value of their children, young people more often develop positive, positively attitudes about themselves.

In the process of this communication both sides should be willing to communicate. An openly communicative relationship between parents and children can help them form a closer bond.

Effective, open communication takes a lot of hard work and practice. Parents should remember that they will not be perfect. Parents make mistakes. What is important is that parents make the effort to effectively communicate with their children starting when their children are very young. The result will be a much closer, positive relationship between parents and their children.



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